


How Did I Forget (That We're Always Alone)

by OlkarianPrincess



Series: Loose Thoughts & Elaborate Outlines [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Deviates From Canon, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Heavy Angst, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 13:09:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21446722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlkarianPrincess/pseuds/OlkarianPrincess
Summary: What if Pidge discovered a way to stop Honerva before the final confrontation?What if it would take everything from her?
Series: Loose Thoughts & Elaborate Outlines [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1546147
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	How Did I Forget (That We're Always Alone)

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally just vent angst
> 
> also it's more a detailed outline then an actually put together fic

Pidge walks down a hall of the Atlas, her heart beating in her chest. Clutching a small device in her palm, she prays someone will pick up. But she knows they won’t. Her message will stay unread for a while. For too long. And it will be too late. The thought makes her shake, but she keeps pushing forward. Destiny, desire, duty--something pulls her even though her body feels like it’s on the brink of collapse. There’s no energy left in her, no inner monologue. She’s just like the robots she’s fond of adjusting. 

Directive--that’s what keeps her weary body moving. Not from a higher rank in the Garrison. Not from Keith or Shiro or Allura. From the universe itself. Or maybe that’s how she consoles the ache in her heart. It doesn’t matter what she tells herself, she thinks. The result will be the same.

So she moves to her lion, faces passing by her and none turning to greet her. A thousand possibilities and there’s only one conclusion she could come to. Honerva needs to be stopped. She knows that. They all know that. But no one else knows what Honerva intends to do. No one else stayed up all night listening to Slav’s calculations, praying that they were wrong. A part of her wishes they knew, but she thinks it’ll hurt more if they do. Invisibility comes naturally to her, and it’s a double-edged sword.

Shiro is in a meeting with Iverson and some others. They’re trying to find the best way to confront Honerva. But they won’t reach the right conclusion. Lance and Allura are having a moment alone, just for the two of them. It’s sweet, but they are in their own little world. Lightyears away from her. In some small room in the heart of the ship, Hunk and Matt are doing maintenance on the Atlas’s systems, while Keith watches over, a million questions on his lips. Pidge isn’t sure where her parents are. But all of them, all her friends and family, were sent the message. No one answers.

Perhaps Pidge was destined to be the Green Lion’s paladin, or maybe it’s simple cause and effect. Her ship has the same power she does: invisibility. With only a few commands, sent from the tips of her fingers through the ship’s system, she is able to insure that no one will notice their departure. And so the lion is able to leave quickly, drawn not by Pidge’s piloting, but by the same directive as her paladin.

Still, Pidge takes the controls, guiding them to their destination. The metal is cold on her skin. Cold, but comfortable. Familiar. It seeps into her palms and spreads through her body like venom, chilling her to the bone. There are no explosions on this last mission. No voices calling orders over the comms. For once, she is able to face the complete silence of space. Not even the lion dares to make a noise.

A tear begins slipping down her face, and then they’ve arrived. The chunk of rock before them is half gone, torn apart by some weapon of war. But what remains is stable enough to house the Galra lab that she seeks. 

Landing her ship in a graceful motion, she faces the looming building. It’s in shambles. Chunks of metal have been ripped from its sides and exposed wires float around. A thought settles over her, warning her that if she so much as breaths incorrectly, the entire thing will collapse. But maybe that’s wishful thinking.

She steps forward, still pulled by that invisible force, and she wants to turn and look at her lion. But Pidge is in touch with her heart. She can’t turn around. She knows she’s a coward. Pressing on, the only thing she allows to fill her mind is the thought of what she needs to do. Over and over again its repeated.

_ First, go to the lab. _

The door is already open, inviting her in. Again, she wants to turn. The Green Lion seems to be calling for her, yelling at her to run back and return. At least that’s what she wants to believe. But she doesn’t turn. She goes through the door and into the darkness and realizes that until that moment, she didn’t really know how empty and dark space was. Even flying her lion, she wasn’t truly alone. But this, moving through the husk of a station--a sad indicator of a place where life used to exist--this is true isolation. Clenching the little device she’s still holding, she still wishes for it to buzz to life. One last message to remind her that she’s not alone. But no matter how desperately she needs to hear from someone, anyone, she knows that she’s well out of range. There’s no signal out here in the abyss, she thinks, diving deeper into the darkness.

The building is small. It was not built to house more than a handful of scientists. After all, it was Lotor’s precious secret. He was insane, driven crazy by the energy of the rift he was conceived in, but she knew he had been a genius. He knew what his mother aimed at. He thought of ways to stop her. Even though he would never acknowledge what exactly had happened to his family, he still prepared. But he died before his plans were needed.

Pidge was still there though.

And sure enough, so was the machine that Lotor had built. The thing, a partial sphere made of thin curved metal panels that jutted out of the ground like talons, was too hard to miss. Even if she hadn’t turned on her helmet’s flashlight, an action she avoided taking until the last minute (if you don’t see something, maybe it isn’t real....) she would’ve run into it. Her heart pounds in her chest and for a moment, she isn’t sure she can breathe. Her hands cling to her throat, but she knows it’s no use. She’s breathing. The pain in her trachea is her own body’s doing. Her mind’s doing. It’s an escape route, but it isn’t one she’s going to take.

The same directive that keeps her in that room, by herself in the middle of nowhere, has kept the machine intact. It may be the only thing on that whole moon that isn’t a mockery of its former self. More proof that there’s one route to take. One path that keeps the past, present, and future safe. It’s an awful thought, so Pidge tries not to think about it. Instead she works, her hands dancing over the control panels. The speed with which she moves keeps the shaking of her muscles nearly unnoticeable. Not that there’s anyone to notice. A hatch open, a cable extended, and her suit is powering the whole thing. It isn’t sustainable power, but it doesn’t have to be. The things that change the course of history tend to only take a few moments.

The machine hums to life. It’s child play, really, she knows. She steps into the great claw of a thing, feeling like prey caught in a monster’s grasp, and wonders. It isn’t a hard piece of tech to manage. And yet, she’s the one that has to do this. It’s not about her skill with technology, a thought that stabs at her heart. It’s her place in the universe. Some people are rulers that can lead a people to prosperity. Some are diplomats suited to make peace. Or leaders. Curators of the future. And some are soldiers. In the right place at the right time. There to keep the monsters at bay. It’s not their talents or virtues that matter. Not their opinions or ideas that keeps people safe. It’s the fact that they are there when someone has to be.

Pidge is there. Someone has to be.

As she steps into the center of the sphere, the world around her begins to glow. Or maybe she’s glowing, she doesn’t know. And then a funny thought is in her mind. The device, which connects to the rifts and to anyone who has been immersed in it. Which shuts the gaps and mends the fabric of reality. It could’ve been used any time. Lotor could’ve used it proactively. But he didn’t. And now, standing there, waiting for her offering to seal everything Honerva has pulled undone, she thinks maybe her contribution is more than being a living soul in the right place. She’s also willing to do what it takes. Katie doesn’t think there’s many people that are.

The light engulfs everything, her thoughts going to the people she loves. They’ll live on. And she won’t need to feel alone.

Then, she forgets.

Pidge walks down a hall of the Atlas, her heart beating in her chest. Clutching a small device in her palm, she prays someone will pick up. But she knows they won’t. Her message will stay unread for a while. For too long. And it will be too late.


End file.
